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Hot Take: I *like* it when people explain jokes.
Even if I understand the joke, it's soothing to know I didn't miss anything. BUT often I *did* miss something and didn't even know!
Explaining a joke does not "ruin it." I don't understand why people say that. (Although, I can see how explaining a joke, because it's just not a very good is bad. But, the if joke isn't good ... not explaining it isn't going to make it any better.)
If someone asks you to explain a joke I think you should just explain it and be nice. It should be more socially acceptable to ask for a joke to be explained and people who groan and shout "now it's ruined" need to stop.
In fact, some jokes become more funny when they are carefully explained, especially if you try to be very neutral and clinical about it. "And you see, it is humorous that..." give it a try!
@futurebird 1/2
I mostly agree, but with a caveat, and a different issue which is actually a very different reason to ask for an explanation:
A: Explaining things is a difficult skill, and many people don't have it, and so, while anyone encountering a joke deserves an explanation, it's not necessarily the case that the joke teller is adequately equipped to provide an explanation.
@futurebird 2/2
B: but also ... usa culture is full of horrid jokes which are actually propaganda disguised as humor, meant to attack some marginalized group. Making the joke teller uncomfortable by asking them to explain that their joke is such a thing is a legitimate tactic. (I'm sure you know this, but somehow I can't just let this thread go on without this important point being mentioned.)