Hot Take: I *like* it when people explain jokes.
Even if I understand the joke, it's soothing to know I didn't miss anything. BUT often I *did* miss something and didn't even know!
Explaining a joke does not "ruin it." I don't understand why people say that. (Although, I can see how explaining a joke, because it's just not a very good is bad. But, the if joke isn't good ... not explaining it isn't going to make it any better.)
If someone asks you to explain a joke I think you should just explain it and be nice. It should be more socially acceptable to ask for a joke to be explained and people who groan and shout "now it's ruined" need to stop.
In fact, some jokes become more funny when they are carefully explained, especially if you try to be very neutral and clinical about it. "And you see, it is humorous that..." give it a try!
@futurebird if the reason the joke needs explaining is that it's too inside or just not funny, someone who appreciates the craft of humor can take that as useful feedback.
@futurebird I really like making jokes with such obscure references that I know only a few people will get them, but if someone asks me for clarification I take it as an invitation to let them in on it.
With my wife and with one old buddy, we have a lot of private jokes that would literally not work told to anyone else, and sometimes even those dance on the edge of working with nobody at all.
@mattmcirvin @futurebird 1/2
I used to love making obscure jokes, and then explaining them, but as I grew older, I encountered problems. First, most of said obscure jokes involved references to books I'd read, and too often somebody wanted an explanation of the joke, but not an explanation of the book. And I sympathize; when someone makes a joke film/tv reference, usually, I'm not sufficiently interested in the tv or film to listen to an explanation.
@mattmcirvin @futurebird 2/2
Later, my feelings about many of the books I'd read changed to the point where I didn't want to talk about them. Then, working in the computer industry destroyed my love for computing, which ruined explaining computer jokes.